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25/06/2005: "ABALONE ......A New Twist"
HISTORY OF ABALONE PLAGUES text by 'Snapper' Gonza (Fiction)
Abalone are single-sided shellfish which inhabit shallow cold waters around the world.
The shells grow to the size of dinner plates but mostly are the size of saucers. They contain a rubbery meat which leaks purple blood.
If the abalone were to leak bright red blood they would not be quite as popular as seafood. They are in fact the first secret genetically modified seafood by a Japanese experiment 65 years ago. The new shellfish were released and spread world-wide. Before this abalone leaked red blood like most other things.
The new version abalone soon reached near plague numbers which threatened the habitat of sea urchin, seaweed and exotic reef fish like red rock cod. So many abalone populated rocky reef's these reef fish were forced from their crevice dwellings and entered the brink of extinction classification.
To reverse the damage a consortium of governments has subsidised the elimination of this shellfish pest from our reefs by paying divers to collect this almost unchewable lump of gristle under the disguise that it was an exotic food enjoyed in Asia. Australian's who know better don't eat it.
Consequently abalone has been exported to Japan at silly prices where it is then treated by boiling for hours to make it edible. This is all part of an elaborate hoax to justify the expense of cleaning-up the marine environment that was almost destroyed by the shellfish plagues.
Clever advertising and marketing abalone as an aphrodesiac has tricked many into believing this rubbery item is a delicasy thereby preventing an enquiry into the now tens of millions paid annually for it's removal.
Eradication of abalone plagues has been successful in California and Mexico, but South America still requires help.
The red rock cod and sea urchins are gradually returning to normal levels and weed eating fish happily graze on the seaweed pastures once threatened by this slimey, purple-blooded pest.
Author: Snapper Gonza has been in Vietnam and practises amateur phychiatry. He is a fan of Woody Allen and the late Peter Sellers, and others of the genre. One of his favourite movies being Dr. Stangelove (How I learned to stop worrying and love the bomb), and the last film with Peter Sellers Being There.
